Ugh.

 So, I always get a snack before I come out to our branch library to work. I realized today, when I stop and get something (the stopping is part of the ritual), I get diet soda, which I know I'll have to give up soon and usually chips or a candy bar. First... that's really not on the pre-surgery diet. I've been doing better at home, except for some faltering, like yesterday. But today, for some reason, I got an M&Ms and a Doritos. First of all, if I'm going to do that, I really need to pick one. 

Second... as I was eating the Doritos, it really hit home that I'm putting trash into my body. These things have no nutritional value. I think they taste good but do they really? I eat all kinds of cheap things that aren't good for you, and aren't the best of their ilk. Now I'm staring down the M&Ms. Part of me is disgusted. Part of me feels like I already ate trash today with the Doritos, I might as well eat the M&Ms too. 

I know if this is going to be successful, I need to get my head on straight. One mistake isn't a reason to throw in the towel. But I do need to commit to making the change, or this isn't going to work. Right now, I'm working on getting the major carbs out of the house. I goofed and bought spaghetti the last time we went grocery shopping. I had a moment of panic "what if we don't have anything to eat!?" unlikely--I was doing the shopping, but I have a history with food insecurity, so I have to fight that impulse. I didn't replace the rice I bought, and I'm eating it an actual serving at a time. 

I need to increase veg and fruit intake. I threw away a basket of strawberries today that went moldy. I should have eaten them last week, so that's why that happened. On a better note, I also had to throw out some moldy bread, so I'm better off with it gone. 

So I suppose this post is a bit confessional. Hopefully saying it out loud, I will make better choices. Really, self. You know it's gross. Don't do it.