Expectations

 So I've been thinking a lot about my expectations for WLS. I honestly don't see how I could ever be thin. I've been heavy all my life. I'd just be happy being only as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat. Like... I got down to 220 once, and that's the thinnest I've been in my adult life. But I've been on some WLS forums and I see people who have lost it ALL, and who have maintained. 

I can't imagine having droopy skin being the thing I worry about, instead of my fatness. I mean--what would that be like? What would it be like to just buy an outfit in a shop instead of online? I used to be able to at least shop in plus size shops but now I can't even do that, and it's been such a long time since I was able to do it. I remember being at the high end of what would fit and being able to shop at Cato and buying cute, fashionable clothes. Now I just buy whatever fits, and doesn't look completely awful. You know what I'm talking about--the plus size clothes that doesn't even look good on the straight size models they put it on. 

I can't imagine doing something and getting the t-shirt and having it actually fit. But what if I could imagine it? I don't actually know. I'll have to really visualize it more. And I think I really do need to think about it more. Because if not, I'll not really believe I can lose the weight, and I won't. 

I think that's been one of my hangups about being unsure about whether I could follow the post surgery diet forever. I've fallen off the wagon with every diet, er "lifestyle change" I've tried. What makes me think I can do it now? But I'll have to do it now, I tell myself. I'm not getting my insides rearranged for funzies. But deep down, do I believe I can do it? That's what I'll have to grapple with. Do I really believe I can do it? Do I really believe I can be a thin person? That I even deserve to be a thin person? All stuff to work out.